Written by: Founder of Parent-Child Classroom and Senior Psychological Counselor, Ms. Leung Hung Yuk

A lady said, “You’re truly enviable – your husband is even afraid of you!” Upon hearing this remark from her friend, she playfully responded, “If you want your husband to fear you, just pretend to be a ghost and scare him, wouldn’t that work? But do you really want to scare him like that, making him afraid of you? Do you think the marriage will become happy because of that?”

Firstly, we need to understand what makes a “happy marriage.” A marriage isn’t solely about individual happiness; a happy marriage requires three key elements: mutual acceptance, intimacy, and harmonious coexistence.

Couples’ Self-Consideration Hinders Communication

When faced with many couples seeking assistance, I find that through examining the state of their marriage and identifying the underlying issues, most couples struggle with their own “self.” Personal traits can also contribute to problems that obstruct communication. Many women express that their husbands lack a sense of “security,” while on the other hand, men often feel they are not receiving the “respect” they deserve from their wives.

In fact, the happiness of a marriage is closely related to the feelings, reactions, and behavioral feedback of the two individuals involved. This is due to the fact that both people’s existing beliefs and thoughts have an impact. When entering into marriage, it’s necessary to adjust one’s mindset and beliefs first in order to approach various issues in the marriage with a positive attitude.

Considering Each Other’s Situations and Reflecting on Oneself

Once, while I was working outside and returned home late, I intended to just find any restaurant to have a meal due to the late hour. However, my husband and son had visited several restaurants and still hadn’t made a decision. I expressed my displeasure to my husband, and when he saw my expression turn sour, he naturally responded with silence in return. As a result, during that dinner, we all ate silently on our own. I felt my husband’s reaction was somewhat petty, which left me feeling unsatisfied and irritated.

The next morning, upon reflection, I pondered on my husband’s perspective. What did he need in that situation? Lately, he had been under a lot of work stress, which had worn down his patience and tolerance. Faced with my unresponsive reaction, he naturally felt uncomfortable. So, I decided to send him an email expressing my concern.

In a marriage, which couple has never had conflicts? The existence of problems between spouses is not important; what truly matters is how you handle those problems. When you’re willing to introspect and examine yourself, and when you expand beyond your own feelings, you’ll discover the needs of those around you and your partner.

The “Fresh-Keeping Method for a Happy Marriage” is about both “you” and “me” being happy. When you’re willing to embrace your partner’s weaknesses and positively accept your spouse, it naturally brings you closer and enhances the resilience of the marriage.

Discussion: Could you share your experiences in dealing with your spouse?