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讓兒童在歡樂及無壓力中學習及成長

園訓：「教養孩童，使他走當行的道，就是到老他也不偏離。」箴言二十二章6節

Parents Zone

Category: Parents Zone

Why do children always fail to remember their classmates’ names?

Source: Aristle International Kindergarten, School Supervisor, Vivian Wu

In fact, this question is asked by many parents, especially those whose children have been friends since the baby group and have grown up together. Why do my children seem to play by themselves and not with other children when we meet so many times?

Especially for children who have just started school, aged 2 or 3, they are actually interested in all the school objects and all the new things around them when they return to school. So when they are exposed to a lot of information every day, the sensory system has to deal with a lot of novel information every day, so being interested in so many things around them that, in fact, they may not remember the names of their classmates is very normal.

Secondly, it actually depends on each person’s preference. If mom and dad put some effort into paying attention, they would know some children would like to play with other people, but some children would like to play with toys. They like to explore toys on their own and even play with their own toys in their own way. Most of these children go back to school and may only remember their favorite toys and not be impressed with their classmates.

Third, the general 0 to 2-year-old children, even the 3- and 4-year-old children, some of the later months of birth, especially the younger children, in fact, are more self-centered. In the early stages of growth, this is absolutely normal, so he is concerned about who takes care of himself. That is to say, he is more impressed with his caregivers, such as his father, mother, father-in-law, mother-in-law, grandfather, grandmother, and even the domestic helpers. So it is normal that he may remember the teacher’s name in the class but not necessarily the names of his classmates.

Children generally begin to develop the ability to understand the feelings of other children after 18 months of age and gradually learn to care about other children, thus knowing how to build relationships with others. All these skills have to be mastered slowly, so many children start to learn how to share with others in the playgroup.

Finally, I think it is important for parents to understand their children’s personalities and to respect each child’s different personality. In fact, just like adults, every child has a different personality. For some children, you may wonder whether boys are more active or outgoing. But I have a boy student who is a bit more introverted, thinks a lot, and likes to observe, but is never the first one to come out. Just like adults, some adults like to have a large group of friends to play with, and some adults may have a few confidantes that they feel are enough, so these are not problems.

Growing up, but not willing to walk. How to improve the children’s twisting and hugging habits?

Source: Psychotherapist, Lee Wai Tong

At the age of one, children gradually learn to walk. At first, children will be very excited to explore everywhere. But gradually, they will ask adults to hold them and not be willing to walk by themselves. Parents will be feeling headaches, sometimes the child may be really tired, and sometimes they just want to be held out of a sense of affection. What can parents do when their children ask for a hug?

Some parents have mentioned to me that their children couldn’t walk when they were one year old, but they wanted to walk very much. When they learn to walk later, they especially like to walk at that time. The parents were happy that the stroller could be left at home, thinking that the child would walk in the future. However, after the children became familiar with walking, they would want to be held by their parents, and even the parents would need to take a stroller and go everywhere in the stroller.

If you don’t have a stroller, it’s a big test of the parents’ physical strength. Of course, parents want their children to walk again, and some parents say, “If you don’t walk, we won’t go out.” Parents actually want to go out with their children, have fun, and walk around, so why not set a goal with them? For example, if you go there, you will hold them, and if you go there, you will walk, and you will make this commitment before you go out. For example, when the child is just out of the lift door and says he wants to be held, we have just said that we have to go downstairs, from the entrance of the estate down to the gate, before we can hold him. We have a goal for the child; the child moves naturally downstairs to hug, and the parents promised to carry him to the gate and place the child back on the ground. 

Sometimes children would suddenly say they wanted to be hugged; parents could tell their children to walk to the other side of the light before hugging. On the one hand, we all enjoy parent-child fun, and secondly, children have a goal, know where to walk to hug, and are naturally more willing to walk a little more. Sometimes children are really tired, or the feeling of hugging is actually very intimate, so they want to hug to get the intimate feeling. So we need to let the children know that we will hug them, but there is a goal, for example, to walk there and hug them at that time, so that everyone will be happy.

Are you a “competent parent”?

Source: Senior Parenting Expert, Bally 

How can we know if we are competent parents? We can find out how the children get along with their parents and how they behave by observing them, and here are five things we can observe.

First, trust the parents. If a child trusts their parents, we can see it in their eyes and in their responses when they communicate with their parent. When a parent talks to a child, the child looks intently at the parent, understands what the parent is saying, and responds clearly with “Yes! I understand,” and then follows instructions. This means that parents usually have good communication with their children.

Parents often tell their children why they should do something, whether it is a good thing to do, or what they think of it. For example, “I think you did a good job when a child fell down and you walked over to pick him up right away.” When parents tell their children how they feel and praise them for doing the right thing, they will be more willing to listen to their parents’ feelings and reactions, and they will gradually build trust.

Second, be brave enough to tell your parents. If children are willing to tell their parents when they encounter certain situations, it proves that their parents give them a lot of space. They are not afraid of being scolded by their parents, and they believe that their parents will give them the right direction, teach them what to do, and accept their wrongdoing. Therefore, children will slowly do what their parents think is right under the safety net. Communication between parents and children is very important, and we need to give them confidence in order to build a harmonious relationship. No matter what happens to them, it is very important that they are brave enough to share with their parents what has just happened or how they feel.

Third, have self-confidence. How can we tell that a child is confident? If a child looks at his or her parents before doing something and gets a positive look from them before doing it, in this case, the child is obviously not confident enough because he does not know what is right and what is wrong.

When a child can do something confidently in different situations, the parents can see that they can first give affirmation and then slowly tell him whether it is actually right or wrong to do what he just did, which over time will build the child’s confidence. They will know that they do not always have to do something right, as long as they have confidence, they can try to do it first. We will slowly build children’s self-confidence by reminding them of this process.

Fourth, have empathy. If children have empathy in many cases, for example, when they see a child fall, they will go to help the child; when they see an old woman crossing the street, they will want to help her. The fact that he is so empathic indicates that his parents, who are a competent pair of parents, have brought this message to him in their daily lives. 

Because our future education hopes that children will not only take care of themselves but also care for society and pay attention to everything in society, empathy is very important. If children are able to take care of themselves and other people around them in their daily lives, it is important to be empathetic. So parents better pay attention to their own way of dealing with children, because if we have empathy, children will naturally have empathy.

Fifth, the ability to take care of themselves children are capable of taking care of themselves, such as eating, dressing, putting on shoes, etc. This also means that their parents are really competent at their jobs because they have taught them “how to fish, not fish for them.” As parents, we should teach our children that they are capable of coping with their own daily lives. If a child does not learn to put on his or her own school uniform by the end of K2, he or she will lose self-confidence over time and have a tendency to become dependent, gradually losing the ability to take care of himself or herself. It is important to be a competent parent to teach children to take care of their own lives.

How to build self-confidence from a young age?

Source: Aristle International Kindergarten, School Supervisor, Vivian Wu

Parents may ask what tips are available to help children build confidence easily from a young age. I think young children need love. He may be more self-centered and place a lot of emphasis on his relationship with his caregivers, so I think relationships with parents and caregivers are very important. If he has enough trust in the people around him, it will be easier for him to build relationships with the people around him in the future.

The second point is that many parents now go to play groups more often, and often parents take their children to parent-child classes and can finish them without interacting with other children at all. So many times, parents say it is better to take him out to play more often. In fact, going out to play more often or going to play groups more often does not mean that the child’s social skills or the need to socialize with other children will increase. Take the school’s Play Group as an example; the school will try to encourage more interaction between children, such as exchanging objects or even taking care of the people around them. It is hoped that children will know how to share or take care of others, which will help them build social relationships with others in the future.

One thing that parents can do is to start building their social skills early in life. For example, when you take your child out, you can greet people you see in your daily life, such as neighbors, security guards downstairs, or even your aunt near the supermarket. Perhaps starting with gestures as an infant and then using words every day can become a habit of building relationships with people.

The last thing that many parents may not have noticed is that, in my experience, many children who are more introverted or less talkative, or who may not be so outgoing, You will often find that their fathers or mothers have similar personalities, so I think it is important to teach by example. Parents may want to try to take the first step themselves because children often learn by imitation. Parents may want to adjust their own expectations if one of the parents is not an extrovert. I don’t think you need to put too much pressure on yourself or your child to become particularly extroverted.

Is it true that children who can sit still are learning well?

Source: Family Dynamics Counselor, Chan Tsz Wai

Under the current social trend, many parents are worried that their children will not be as smart as other children, that they will not be able to go to a good school, and that they will not have a future. But in fact, the earlier a child can sit still and listen to instructions, the better he or she will learn in the future.

 We first need to understand the brain development of children. In simple terms, the brain can be divided into three layers, from the bottom to the top, in order of priority. The bottom layer is our brain stem and cerebellum, which is responsible for our basic survival functions, such as breathing, heartbeat, body movement, and body coordination; in the middle is our subcortical brain, also known as the sensory brain, because it is responsible for our emotions and memory; and the highest level is the cerebral cortex, where many parents want their children to be smart, to learn more, and to concentrate, which is responsible for our concentration, language, abstract thinking, and logical thinking.

However, parents should be aware that our brain development is not complete until our thirties, when our highest level of thinking brain development is achieved. In fact, it depends on whether our lower brain layer has a good foundation.

Children between the ages of zero and two are at the time when their lowest level of activity is developing most rapidly. So they need a lot of physical movement and sensory stimulation to help their brain development. If we force them to sit down too early, we will not be able to build a good foundation for their brains. Many studies now tell us that if we give children a lot of academic training too early in their lives, they will have relatively weak concentration, emotional regulation, self-confidence, or learning abilities. This is why we are seeing many children and adolescents with depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems at an early age.

In addition, children at this stage need to feel safe because their brains are not developed enough to calm themselves, so when they are uncomfortable or feel insecure, they will cry loudly for help. This is a natural need, and parents who encounter a child in this situation can hold him, pat him, or tell him, “Mommy is here!” Maybe he feels insecure when he goes to some unfamiliar place, and if the child establishes a healthy sense of security and parental relationship at this stage, this is actually a good foundation for future healthy development.

As for choosing a kindergarten, parents should know whether the school can match the growth and development of the child, or when the child is preparing for the interview, parents can go to the school earlier to observe the school and its surroundings and take their child to play so that he or she can get familiar with the environment. Before the interview, you can take him to play and tell him that the teacher will play with him and he may talk to you, so there is no need to put too much pressure on him and he does not know what will happen when he enters the school.

But finally, if parents find that their child’s development, such as language, self-care, and social skills, is not as good as that of children of the same age when he or she reaches the age of two, they should seek an assessment from a pediatrician as soon as possible to find the right way to help him or her.

Four behaviors that damage the parent-child relationship

Source: Senior Parenting Expert, Bally

Many parents often ask, “Why is the child so disobedient?” “Why does he hate me so much?” or “He is ignoring me more and more.” In fact, there are four types of behaviors that, over time, will cause our children to despise themselves. Many of the parents that I have met in my day-to-day life often unconsciously say or do things that make their children hate themselves. This is what parents do not notice.

First, comparison. We frequently ask children, “Why are you like this?” “Your younger brother is not like you; he is very neat,” and “look at the students next to me; they listen to their parents. “When we often express ourselves in a “comparison” manner, children will feel disgusted when they hear their mother’s voice.

Secondly, when children do something wrong, parents often overlook the motives behind their behavior. When we find out that a child is doing something wrong, we should first understand what the child is trying to accomplish with the behavior. Do not rule out that they are trying to do something right. Maybe he wants to pour a glass of water for his parents or his brother, or he is not doing his homework well, but in fact, he is doing his best and is just mentally tired.

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/attractive-little-girl-looking-angry-away-641333017 

 

When he is not doing well, we can first praise his behavior by saying, “Thanks; I know you are nice and want to pour water for us, but don’t spill water again.” “It’s dangerous,” or “Don’t walk so fast.” After we praise the child, he will understand that he is doing the right thing, and then he will listen to his parent’s advice and improve.

Third, parents should pay attention to the end of the day if, in fact, they are full of negative energy and bring emotions into the home. When parents see that their children are not behaving in a satisfactory manner, they may take out their emotions on them in a series of ways. This is not fair to the child, who may have made only a few mistakes but is being blamed for a series of them.

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/caucasian-husband-argument-asian-wife-their-1686233815 

 

Fourth, parents should be very careful that expressions of anger will misinform their children with inaccurate information. For example, “If you do this, you might not be my son.” When we mistakenly use such an aggressive word, it can be very harmful to the child.

 

Parents should never commit these four behaviors while children are growing up, or they will hate their parents from an early age.

How should parents express their love for their children?

Source: Parenting Specialist, Ken Sir,

Some mothers often ask me, “How should I show my love for my children?” Will it be spoiled by expressing too much? I think that Chinese people are more introverted and are often afraid to express their love. Especially when you want to express your concern for him but end up with a different attitude.

I once saw a mother and her little child lost in Shatin and then reunited. How did the mother behave after the reunion? She grabbed him by the hand and hit him while saying, “I just couldn’t see you; do you know how scared I was?” I am very worried about you. What can I do if I can’t see you?

In fact, everyone knows that his mother loves him, but the child cannot feel it. I often share an example of how to express love in my lectures. When I was a child, my father ordered a drink, and since he didn’t have much money at the time, he asked the waiter for an extra cup after ordering a hot drink. He kept pouring the drinks around in front of me, trying to get the drinks cold as soon as possible so that the kids wouldn’t burn their mouths when they drank them and they could drink them faster, but I found that if the kids asked their parents or I asked many of the student’s parents, they would all answer, “This will get cold faster.”

https://www.shutterstock.com/zh/image-photo/grandmother-blowing-on-hot-drink-before-1986653354 

 

When responding to children, parents should express their deepest feelings, such as “Because I love you, how would I do this thing if I didn’t love you?” Do I do it for the one next to me? In fact, there are many things we can do in life to express love, but there is one thing we must remember if we are to avoid causing spoiled, you must remember the following two points.

The first point is that if a child can do something, he should be allowed to do it; you should not fight to make him do it. The second point is that when a child makes a mistake, we should correct him. In the process of correction, we should be gentle and firm, and serious when we need to be serious. However, remind the child that he or she should be told the solution, not just no or wrong. If so, the child will not improve.

 

Children often shirk their responsibilities, and parents should be held accountable?

Source: Psychotherapist, Lee Wai Tong

Whenever something happens, children will use different excuses to shirk their responsibility toward others. Parents may then scold the child for this, but this may make the child avoid taking responsibility. Faced with this situation, what can parents do?

First of all, when parents ask children, “Why didn’t you finish the work?” or “Why don’t you understand?” Parents want their children to take responsibility. But at this time, the child will want to shirk the responsibility and give it to someone else, but at the end of the day, the parents actually want the child to take responsibility. You should know that responsibility starts with the child having the time to make decisions because having the time is called having a sense of autonomy. If children can have a sense of autonomy, they will be more likely to be responsible.

For example, if he does not know how to do his homework and is asked why he does not understand, he will say that the teacher did not teach him, the teacher did not teach him well, or that the other students were noisy. At that moment, if parents continue to say that he is not concentrating in class, they will only make the child throw the responsibility further away. So at this point, we need to know how to do better since we are facing difficulties and then work with the child to figure out how to do it.

The child will feel responsible for doing a good job, so naturally he will put the responsibility back on himself and let himself do it. And when children can do things on their own, they will be more willing to take responsibility. This is why I always say that the most important thing for parents is not to be accountable because accountability only teaches children to unload their responsibilities, while we can help our children take responsibility and accomplish things together. This is the most important lesson we often teach our children about responsibility.

Do children need to take nutritional supplements?

Source: Senior Dietitian, Ng Yiu Fun

Many parents ask me, “Does my child need to take supplements?” For example, would fish oil or DHA be better for him? I have children myself, and I don’t let them take any supplements. But some parents say, “Is it really smarter to take supplements?”

In fact, if you have a balanced diet, you don’t need any supplements. Why? For example, if you take too much fish oil, it will have an excessive blood-thinning effect, and you will easily bleed out. So we say that if you take too much fish oil, it may not be good for your child.

We may have to figure out how to add a little bit of fish to our food. For example, if he doesn’t like eating fish, we can dip the fish in batter and bake it to make it feel crispy and tasty. Or when cooking spaghetti, you can add some crustaceans, such as clams, which are easy for children to absorb. Also, simple foods such as seaweed have ingredients that make them smarter.

 As for the parents, they may think that if they take more calcium supplements, their children will grow taller. This is also not necessary, because if you take too many calcium tablets, it will be very easy to give him kidney stones. We can let children drink milk, tofu, or soy milk to help them absorb calcium without the need for special supplements.

 

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Children grow up to be fed instead? How can parents break it down?

Source: Psychotherapist, Lee Wai Tong

The parents begin feeding the baby milk and gradually introduce paste from the time the baby is born. Then children can start to hold their own utensils and eat on their own, one bite at a time while watching them grow up. But when the children reach the age of 6 to 7, they will suddenly ask their parents to feed them. What is the reason for this? How can this be resolved?

Whenever children grow up, their parents are happy, especially when their children eat. In the past, they had to be fed by their parents, but later they learned to use utensils and eat by themselves, which was originally a very happy thing. However, many parents do not understand that when children can eat on their own, they begin to ask their parents to feed them. This is because the intimacy of parental feeding feels good and may make children want to be fed.

When children are young, it is fun for parents to feed them, but when children grow up, it is a headache for parents if they still want to be fed halfway through a meal. We don’t want to spoil the atmosphere of the meal because of the feeding problem, so we need to learn that when children ask to be fed in the middle of a meal, we can solve the problem in the following ways:

Parents can say to their children, “If you take two more bites of rice, mommy and daddy will start feeding.” The next time the same thing happens, say, “If you eat three more bites, mommy and daddy will start feeding,” gradually shorten the time of parental feeding, and gradually extend the time of children eating on their own. Later on, there is a chance to finally just feed him a bite to maintain the intimacy of the parent-child relationship but also to make the eating atmosphere more interesting.